OK, so we stink

So last night I headed out to the Patriot Center in Fairfax with my lovely new wife to watch my alma mater take on George Mason. I figured that since Holy Cross has been to a few NCAA tourneys recently - and put some serious March Madness scares into the likes of Kansas and Marquette - my Crusaders would have no trouble with a team like George Mason, which, according to my research, is the only respectable university named for a dead character from 24. Boy Howdy, was I wrong. I think the final score was like 1,234-5, George Mason. Seriously, either George Mason is really good - like NCAA title good - or Holy Cross is the Worst College Basketball Team Ever Assembled. I mean, there's no way to perfume this pig, as my dad would say. We stink, or at least we did last night. You could have turned the basket into a field goal and our poor players still couldn't have put the ball through it. Put it this way: They would have lost to these guys. By like, a lot.

The most exciting thing that happened during the game was during one of the timeouts, when two guys from the stands took part in a promotional thingy where they were tethered together by a long rope and attempted to make baskets at either end of the court. When one guy figured out he was clearly going to lose, he just started pulling on the rope, yanking his opponent toward mid-court. Comical. The winner made two baskets (which put him safely ahead of the Crusaders, by the way) and got a gift certificate for dinner for ten at some noodle restaurant. I spent the next ten minutes wondering if I could even muster together ten people for dinner at a noodle restaurant, finally deciding that I'd probably have to resort to inviting strangers. Luckily, during my daydreaming I didn't miss any baskets by Holy Cross.

My parents came with us, and ... they drove. This means that the second most exciting thing of the night was trying to follow my mom's directions. Before we left, she assured me she would "mapquest" the route to the Patriot Center. Once in the car, she announced that to get there, "all we have to do is find University Avenue and take a left." Technically, these directions are correct, but as I'm sure you can tell, they leave out a lot of important information. Miraculously, after circling Fairfax for what seemed like hours, we finally stumbled upon University Avenue and arrived at the Patriot Center at approximately 7:45, aka, just in time for half time of the game that started at 7. At this point, things were looking great for Holy Cross, as we were only losing by only nine points. As noted earlier, by the time we left, we were losing by something like 9,000.

So what did I learn from the evening? Well, I learned that - unless Coach Willard finds room under the salary cap to bring in Shaq - I should not plan on buying tickets to see Holy Cross play in the NCAA Tournament in March. I also learned that my mother has no earthly idea what mapquest is, that there are a lot of strip malls in Fairfax, and that I suddenly have a craving for dinner at a noodle restaurant. Who's with me?

I'm back, baby

Here's where you'll find all my movie reviews, TV columns and just plain random thoughts. Some will be funny (like monkeys), while others will be serious (like angry monkeys) and still others will be seriously funny (like angry monkeys throwing poo at each other). Yes, it's my official entry into the vast blogosphere, where anyone, anywhere can say anything they darn well please. I'll try to post as often as I can, but if you're mostly interested in movies, check back before each weekend. The plan is to post new reviews, ranging from short summations along the order of "It sucks," to longer diatribes for flicks that deserve more than just a quick thumbs up or down. Also, on Sundays, I'll be posting the TV column I write for a couple of newspapers up in the New England area. In between, I'll be writing about anything and everything that catches my fancy. Hope you like it.