Missouri Is No Place For A Monkey

The monkey pictured at left is making the good citizens of Sikeston, Missouri awfully nervous. According to this story, the monkey is Sikeston resident Phyllis Gates' pet. Phyllis has had her pet monkey for five years. That's important, since it means she and her monkey limboed just under the ruthless anti-having-monkey-as-a-pet bill that was passed in Sikeston just months after her she bought the monkey in Kansas City. What, doesn't everyone go to Kansas City to buy their monkeys?

Anyway, this monkey is scaring the good people in Sikeston. They think when he approaches them on the street he intends to do them harm. We at Monkeys Are Always Funny HQ know that he probably just intends to tell them a good knock-knock joke.

Sikeston citizen Peggy Bearden, who lives across the street from Phyllis and her monkey, is one of the unenlightened:

"She cannot control her monkey," Peggy Bearden said. "It attacked my grandson. Part of the material is gone in his shirt."

I think it's quite clear that Peggy Bearden, all due respect, is a big friggin' idiot who wouldn't know good comic material if a monkey came up and bit her in the tuchus. In fact, she'd probably report the monkey to the authorities without ever realizing how hilarious he is. And she is clearly passing this utter lack of appreciation for the genius of monkey humor down to her poor grandson. Get out of Sikeston, son.