Finale Factor Remains High

INSIDE THE IDIOT BOX

May 14, 2006

It’s a big week for season (and series) finales, so let’s not waste any time. Here are this week’s denouements as judged by its Idiocy Factor – the higher the IF, the bigger an idiot you’d have to be to miss it. And off we go:


TONIGHT
King of the Hill (7:30 p.m., FOX): Is it just me, or does it seem to everyone else like this show has been on forever? It’s also on constantly in syndication on cable, so it’s hard to say that any episode qualifies as a must see. Idiocy Factor: 2.
The West Wing (8 p.m., NBC): There was a brief period at the turn of the millennium when this was one of the best dramas on television. Then came the show’s disastrously preachy post-9/11 episode, which single-handedly cost it at least 40 percent of its loyal viewers. Those who have hung on, though, claim the Oval Office drama rebounded nicely over the past few seasons. Tonight marks its final episode, so attention must be paid. Idiocy Factor: 10.
Survivor (8 p.m., CBS): It’s been kind of an uneventful season on the reality staple, but it looks as though Bostonian Danielle will still be traipsing around in skimpy swimsuits for tonight’s three-hour finale, which makes it worth Tivo-ing, at the very least. Idiocy Factor: 7.
Malcolm in the Middle (8:30 p.m., FOX): Another note of finality arrives with the last-ever installment of Fox’s Sunday night staple, which wraps up its seven-season run tonight. Yes, Malcolm remains in the middle. Where Frankie Muniz goes from here is anyone’s guess. Idiocy Factor: 8
American Dad (9 p.m., FOX): Seth McFarlane’s follow-up to Family Guy hasn’t engendered the same fanatical following as its predecessor, but it’ll be back next season. Idiocy Factor: 4.
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (10 p.m., NBC): Vincent D’Onofrio is still acting strangely on this L&O spin-off, and will continue acting strangely for at least another season. Considering how often at least one of the L&Os is on, it’s hardly worth scheduling around. Idiocy Factor: 1
TOMORROW
Prison Break (8 p.m., FOX): Considering that they started breaking out of prison back in August, I would hope these guys are out (or dead) by now. Idiocy Factor: 6
How I Met Your Mother (8:30 p.m., CBS): This show’s voiceover concept is kind of grating, but it’s funny, especially Neil Patrick Harris as randy bachelor Barney. Look for it to become an even bigger hit – especially in the ad-friendly younger demo – in the next few seasons. Idiocy Factor: 8
Grey’s Anatomy (9 p.m., ABC): Considering that this sudsy medical drama often outpaces Desperate Housewives in the ratings, it’s a bit surprising that its finale has been bumped from Sunday. But it may signal a fortuitous switch for the show, since a Monday slot will look pretty good next season when NBC’s Sunday Night Football offers up some fresh, likely unbeatable competition for ABC’s juggernaut lineup.
TUESDAY
NCIS (8 p.m., CBS): Would this show be such a hit if it was called SICN? I think not. Idiocy Factor: 5
Boston Legal (9 p.m., ABC): Any show that can resuscitate the career of one William Shatner (and simultaneously keep him away from the karaoke machine) is OK by me. Idiocy Factor: 6
The Unit (9 p.m., CBS): Relax, Sawx fans. This show isn’t about that lanky Yankee southpaw. It’s safe to watch it – recommended, even. Idiocy Factor: 7.
Scrubs (9 p.m., NBC): Whenever I tell friends how much I love this show I am met with blank stares. Which only makes me feel like I’m in on a really good inside joke. You should be, too. Idiocy Factor: 9
Law & Order: SVU (10 p.m., NBC): See Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Idiocy Factor: 1
WEDNESDAY
The Amazing Race (8 p.m., CBS): If MoJo wins, I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up in my mouth, just a little bit. Idiocy Factor: 8
Bones (8 p.m., FOX): Ya know, that’s just not a title that makes me want to watch. Idiocy Factor: 4
America’s Next Top Model (9 p.m., UPN): Say it with me fellas: Catfight! Idiocy Factor: 7
Law & Order (10 p.m., NBC): See above for Criminal Intent, SVU. Idiocy Factor: 1
CSI: NY (10 p.m., CBS): Of all the CSIs, this seems to be the least CSI-sey, if you get me. Which you probably don’t. Idiocy Factor: 5
THURSDAY
Will & Grace (8 p.m., NBC): The big gay sitcom is calling it quits after eight flamboyant seasons. The one who’s really upset by it is Cher, who will have to find another show on which to make constant cameos. Idiocy Factor: 9
That ‘70s Show (8 p.m., FOX): After tonight’s series finale, Ashton Kutcher will officially be famous only for being famous. Idiocy Factor: 6
CSI (9 p.m., CBS): Face it: Gil Grissom is the Man. Idiocy Factor: 9
The O.C. (9 p.m., FOX): If the term “jumped the shark” hadn’t itself jumped the shark, it would be a pretty good description of the status of this show. Idiocy Factor: 4
Commander In Chief (10 p.m., CBS): Well, that didn’t last long, did it? Idiocy Factor: 3
Without a Trace (10 p.m., CBS): Sometimes, if you listen very closely, you can totally hear star Anthony Lapaglia’s Aussie accent poke through. Just sayin’, is all. Idiocy Factor:8
ER (10 p.m., NBC): Honestly, this show has become like that aunt who died in National Lampoon’s Vacation. At this point, NBC has pretty much just strapped it to the hood and keeps driving it around. Let’s hope this time next year it’s ov-ER. Idiocy Factor: 5
FRIDAY
NUMB3RS (10 p.m., CBS): I’m always a fan of any show that can pull off turning an “E” into a “3”, to say nothing of the fact this one also keeps Judd Hirsch gainfully employed.
Next Week: May Sweeps Idiocy Factor, The Finale