Annapolis - 1/2* (BAD MOVIE ALERT!!!!!)

ANNAPOLIS - DROP AND GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK


"You! Plebe!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

"Have you seen the new movie Annapolis!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

"It can't possibly be as bad as it looks, now, can it, maggot?!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

"Is it really about a down-and-out local kid who tries to make something of his life by joining the Navy only to be harrassed by a black drill sergeant!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

"Didn't they already make a movie like that called An Officer and a Gentleman?"

"THAT IS CORRECT, SIR!"

"And, tell me maggot, is it also true that the down-and-out local kid turns out to be a hotshot boxer and falls in love with a woman who is one of his commanding officers!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

"And didn't they already make a movie like that called Top Gun?"

"SIR, ALL EXCEPT THE BOXING PART, SIR!"

"What's that? Are you giving me lip, plebe?!"

"SIR NO SIR!"

"Oh no? I think you are! I think you are, plebe! Drop and give me twenty!"

"SIR, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOVIE REVIEW, SIR! THERE IS NO EXERCISE ALLOWED, SIR!"

"Well, you're lucky for that, plebe. Because if there were, I'd have you doing so many push-ups you'd be begging to watch Annapolis again!"

"SIR, THERE AREN'T ENOUGH PUSH-UPS IN THE WORLD FOR THAT, SIR!"

"So, what about this movie you saw then, plebe? Did it also have a car that drove itself around?"

"SIR NO SIR! IT DID NOT!"

"Are you telling me it did not have a car that drove itself around, maggot?!"

"SIR NO SIR! I BELIEVE YOU ARE THINKING OF THE HERBIE MOVIES, SIR!"

"I'll be damned! I could've sworn I saw on Entertainment Tonight that there was a car like that in Annapolis!"

"SIR, ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT IS FREQUENTLY WRONG, SIR! AND IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER SIR, THE HERBIE MOVIES WERE ABOUT THE ONLY ONES NOT RIPPED OFF BY ANNAPOLIS, SIR!"

"No that does not make me feel any better! And you watch your mouth about Entertainment Tonight! You want to run until tomorrow plebe?!"

"SIR, AGAIN, THE EXERCISE THING, SIR!"

"Are you telling me you don't watch Entertainment Tonight, plebe? That Mary Hart has some fine legs! Don't you think maggot?!"

"SIR, MARY HART HAS STAYED IN GREAT SHAPE, SIR!"

"I heard her legs were once insured by Lloyd's of London for a million dollars. Did you hear that, plebe?"

"SIR NO SIR!"

"Are your legs insured for a million dollars, smartass?!"

"SIR NO SIR! ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT ANNAPOLIS, SIR?!"

"Don't talk smart to me! So who's in this movie?!"

"SIR, JAMES FRANCO, SIR! HE PLAYS THE BOXING MIDSHIPMAN!"

"Now tell me, hotshot: Who the hell is he?"

"SIR, HE WAS IN SPIDER-MAN, SIR!"

"Do you think that helps me at all, son?!?"

"SIR, I GUESS NOT, SIR!"

"Who else is in it?"

"SIR, TYRESE GIBSON, SIR! AND JORDANA BREWSTER, SIR!"

"And three strikes yer out, maggot! Never heard of any of them either!"

"SIR, THEY'RE BARELY ADEQUATE AND HAMPERED BY A DERIVITAVE PLOT, SIR!"

"And who the hell are you all of a sudden, Roger Ebert? That man's never done a push-up in his life!"

"SIR, IT'S THE MOVIE REVIEW THING, SIR!"

"So what happens, maggot? Does the boxer win the big fight and get the girl?!"

"SIR, HE GETS THE GIRL, SIR! SIR, BUT HE LOSES THE BIG FIGHT, SIR!"

"Son, did you just ruin the ending for me?!"

"SIR, THE ENDING DOES THAT ON ITS OWN, SIR! SIR, ONE MORE THING, SIR!"

"What's that, maggot?!"

"SIR, AFTER THE ANNAPOLIS SCREENING, I RAN INTO LOCAL NBC MOVIE CRITIC ARCH CAMPBELL IN THE MEN'S ROOM, SIR! HE ASKED IF I THOUGHT THE MOVIE WAS A CROSS BETWEEN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN AND CINDERELLA BABY, SIR!"

"What the hell is Cinderella Baby, son?!"

"SIR, I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE, SIR!"

"And what did you say in response to Local NBC Movie Critic Arch Campbell, plebe?"

"SIR, I SAID NOTHING, SIR!"

"You said nothing?"

"SIR, I WAS STANDING AT THE URINAL AT THE TIME, SIR! BY SPEAKING TO ME, LOCAL NBC MOVIE CRITIC ARCH CAMPBELL WAS FLAGRANTLY VIOLATING URINAL ETIQUETTE, SIR!"

"You're @#$&% right he was! It looks like we have taught you something here after all, smartass!"

"SIR, THANK YOU, SIR!"

"That's enough! You've said more than enough for today, maggot! Now before I send you running until you puke your guts out, I only have one more question for you."

"SIR YES SIR!"

"What was the name of that car movie again?"