Senor Incredible

On last night's PTI, Hornheiser and Willy Buns actually debated whether Albert Pujols is the best hitter in baseball, which is a bit like debating whether Tom Cruise is the craziest human on the planet. When all evidence points to only one logical conclusion, debating the topic becomes like sitting through Mission: Impossible 2 - pointless and embarrassing for all involved.

Speaking of missions impossible, imagine being a pitcher trying to get Pujols out these days. As a Cards fan, I realize I'm biased about this, but in his still-young career, Pujols is simply doing things that nobody else has done. Check out this link from Tyblog, which breaks down Pujols' career stats and runs them through Sox Consultant/Baseball Sagei Bill James' "Favorite Toy" - a projection of a player's chances of achieving landmark numbers. According to James' formulas, Pujols has an outside shot of breaking the all-time MLB records for hits, home runs, RBIs, doubles AND runs scored. It's not like Pujols is toiling in anonymity, but if the guy were playing in New York or Boston, there would already be statues erected, and libraries around the country would probably need to be adding new wings just to fit in all the books about him.

Which is all a long way of getting to my point: Pujols needs a nickname, and we simply can not let ES-PiNhead Stu Scott get away with the "Phat Albert" moniker that he repeatedly shouted during the highlights of the three-homer game. Scott, who puts the "blither" in blithering idiot, also added a few gravel-voiced "Hey, hey, hey!" yelps before I was forced to hit the mute button. As with any and everything Stu Scott-related, the nickname "Phat Albert" is horrendous. And as Jeff Lebowski once said, it will not stand. So I've made it my mission to come up with an alternative.

For now, I'm going with Senor Incredible. Not only is it an apt description of Pujols, but remember the scene at the beginning of The Incredibles where Mr. Incredible says something like "No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy. Sometimes I feel like the maid ... I just cleaned up this place! Can you keep it clean for 10 minutes?!?" If you don't remember it you can see it here.

Anyway, with the Cardinals looking more and more like a one-man show this season, there are likely going to be lots of messes for Senor Incredible to take care of as the summer progresses. And hey, he even wears Cardinal Red. Well, almost.